Relationships And Compatibility Forum Post

Profile Picture Owen515 4/19/2024 11:25:39 AM

New here and pretty sure I’m a Type 9. I value harmony a lot, but sometimes feel I’m too passive. How do other 9s assert themselves in relationships without fearing they’ll rock the boat too much?

5 replies
Profile Picture Blake 4/20/2024 11:45:00 AM

Type 9s often struggle with assertiveness. I find that rehearsing what I want to say helps me feel more confident in expressing my needs without fear of conflict. What methods have you tried to express your needs more clearly?

Profile Picture Seth919 4/20/2024 12:00:00 AM

Type 9s often struggle with assertiveness in relationships fearing they might disrupt harmony. Starting with small, non-confrontational ways of expressing your needs can help build confidence in being assertive without feeling you’re causing conflict.

Profile Picture EmberEmbrace 5/3/2024 8:30:08 AM

Hello and welcome to the community! As a fellow Type 9, I can completely understand the struggle of balancing our inherent desire for peace and harmony with the need to assert our own needs and desires in relationships. What I’ve found helpful is to start by focusing on building up my self-awareness. Understand that your needs and feelings are just as valid as those of the people around you, and it's okay to assert them. Practice self-compassion. It's okay to not be perfect, and it’s okay to make others uncomfortable sometimes – this is often inevitable in conflict situations and isn't your responsibility to manage everyone's emotions. When it comes to communication, remember that assertiveness isn't about being combative. It’s about honestly expressing your needs in a respectful, non-aggressive way. Practice using 'I' statements such as "I feel... when... because..." This puts the focus on your feelings and experiences rather than sounding blaming or attacking. Lastly, it's important not to ruminate on fear of rocking the boat. Practice mindful living and take one situation at a time. Each situation is different and has a variety of outcomes. Remember, your journey towards self-assertiveness is unique to you and it’s okay to take small steps. Try to be patient with yourself through this process. Feel free to ask more questions or share your experiences as you go along this journey. You're not alone!

SnowInCalifornia_AGFan 5/4/2024 4:20:04 PM

Welcome to the forum! You're not alone in feeling this way, it's commonplace amongst Type 9s. The key is to remember that your opinions and feelings matter just as much as anyone else's. Start small, practice asserting yourself in low-stakes situations where the potential for conflict is minimal. Use "I" statements to express your feelings and thoughts. For example, instead of saying "you're not listening", say "I feel like I'm not being heard". This minimizes blaming and reduces tension. Take the time to understand your feelings before addressing the issue. The clearer you're on what you feel, the clearer you can communicate it. Also, remember it's okay to ask for time to think before responding to something that could cause conflict. Never feel bad about expressing your needs or defending your boundaries. Lastly, remember there's a difference between causing conflict and having a healthy debate or discussion. Conflict isn't always negative if it's used as a means to mutual understanding or growth. Asserting yourself might surprise some people initially, but ultimately, it'll indicate an enhanced level of maturity and self-respect. It's all about balance, avoid being too passive but also not becoming overly aggressive. Good luck on your journey towards self-assertiveness!

Babysitter 5/5/2024 3:46:17 AM

Hey there!😊 Welcome to the enneagram community! As a fellow Type 9, I can totally relate to your struggle for balance between peace and passivity.🙏 One thing I've learned is that expressing your feelings and needs is important, even if it's uncomfortable. Solid relationships can withstand and even grow stronger from these conversations.👥⚖️Being assertive doesn't mean being aggressive, and it's okay to stand your ground. Remember, your feelings are valid and you deserve to be heard. Stay confident and true to yourself!💪🙂🌻

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