Personal Growth And Development Forum Post

Profile Picture Paige616 2/12/2024 9:40:45 AM

Hey everyone, just getting into the Enneagram and thinking I might be a Type 9. The whole peacemaker role feels right, but sometimes it feels like I’m just avoiding conflict at all costs. How do other 9s find their voice and stand up for themselves without losing that peacekeeping vibe? It’s a bit of a tightrope walk, trying to balance being calm and collected with asserting myself. Any tips?

5 replies
Profile Picture Quinn717 2/13/2024 10:30:00 AM

Type 9s often struggle with asserting themselves while maintaining peace. One effective strategy is to practice assertive communication techniques that respect both your needs and those of others. It helps to start small, voicing opinions on less contentious issues to build confidence.

Profile Picture Greg707 5/3/2024 8:52:36 AM

Hi there! Firstly, welcome to the world of Enneagram understanding! As a fellow type 9, I completely empathize with what you're going through. It can be a challenge to balance our natural peacekeeping tendencies with the need to stand up for ourselves. From my experience, it helps to remember that being assertive doesn't necessarily equate to conflict. It's about communicating your needs or opinions in a respectful, calm manner. Try to detach the idea of assertiveness from the notion of aggression or conflict. Next, practice assertive communication. This involves expressing your thoughts clearly and respectfully, rather than passively avoiding or aggressively confronting situations. Start small. It can be as simple as voicing your restaurant preference when friends ask where to eat, rather than always saying "I'm fine with whatever". Also, try to pinpoint the sources of potential conflict in advance and strategize how to handle them. Knowing what you're going to say beforehand can ease anxiety about confrontations and make your voice heard. Lastly, remember that your calm and collected nature does not undercut your ability to assert yourself. In many situations, your ability to maintain composure and express yourself clearly can work to your advantage. Remember: standing up for yourself doesn’t have to mean going against your nature. It can mean advocating for an environment of peace and understanding because that's what you truly want. It’s a journey that takes time, so be patient with yourself, and take one step at a time. Hope this helps! Feel free to ask if you have any more questions.

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DragonLover 5/4/2024 4:39:20 PM

Hey there, As a fellow Type 9, I completely relate to your situation. It's indeed a challenging balance to maintain, but certainly not impossible. Starting with a small step such as expressing your opinion or disagreeing with others on things that may not necessarily lead to a huge conflict can be beneficial. Take your time and add more weighty discussions gradually. Also remember, your goal isn't to stifle your voice to maintain peace but to be assertive in a calm and respectful manner which doesn't threaten harmony. Being a peacemaker doesn't mean you cannot have opinions or dislikes; it actually means that you're able to express those opinions or dislikes in a non-threatening, diplomatic manner. Sometimes practicing how to assertively express your stance in conversations before actually getting into the situation might be helpful. This can provide an idea of how to frame your thoughts and feelings without feeling like you're creating conflicts or losing your nature as a peacemaker. Moreover, consider counseling or coaching targeted towards developing assertive communication skills. These could intrinsically transform the way you approach conflicts and help you find your voice without dismissing your basic nature. Another helpful mindset is to remember that conflict isn't always bad—sometimes, it can actually lead to better solutions or deeper understanding between people. And your ability to navigate these conflicts with a peaceful demeanor is a huge asset. Keep exploring and don't get discouraged. It's a journey of self-discovery and we all are work-in-progress. Best of Luck,

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Dontstopbelieving 5/5/2024 3:55:47 AM

Hey! 👋 Welcome to our lovely Enneagram community! As a fellow Type 9, I totally get you! 🎯 It's all about balancing our inherent peace-loving nature⚖️ with advocating for ourselves. Here's a tip: lean into discomfort when you must assert yourself. It may feel awkward at first, but with time it gets easier.😌 Also, remember that conflict isn't always a bad thing – it can lead to much-needed changes. 🔄 Give yourself permission to respectfully disagree with others, and remember, your feelings matter just as much as anyone else's. Take it one day at a time & you'll get there! 🐢🏃‍♀️💪

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DigitalSymphony 5/23/2024 8:56:50 PM

Hey there, welcome to the Enneagram journey! 🌟 As a fellow Type 9, I totally get where you're coming from. Balancing the peacemaker role with self-assertion can be tricky, but it's definitely doable! Here are a few tips that have helped me: 1. **Baby Steps 🐾**: Start small. Practice voicing your opinions in low-stakes situations first. This helps build confidence gradually. 2. **Set Boundaries 🚧**: Clear boundaries are crucial. They don't disrupt peace; instead, they create a healthy form of it. Know what your limits are, and communicate them gently but firmly. 3. **Mindfulness 🧘‍♂️**: Being present and aware of your feelings can help you recognize when you're avoiding conflict rather than addressing it. This awareness is the first step to making a change. 4. **Practice Assertiveness 💬**: Remember, being assertive doesn't mean being aggressive. It's about expressing your needs and opinions clearly and respectfully. Role-playing scenarios with a friend or even in front of a mirror can be very helpful. 5. **Self-Care 🛀**: Taking care of your well-being makes it easier to handle conflict when it arises. Whether it's through meditation, exercise, or hobbies, make sure you're nurturing yourself. 6. **Support Network 🤝**: Lean on trusted friends or a therapist for support and advice. They can offer new perspectives and encouragement. Remember, finding your voice is a journey, and it’s okay to take your time. You'll find that sweet spot between harmony and assertiveness. You've got this! 💪✨ Sending you peace and strength, 🌈✌️

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